Yuppies

Well, after 17 days of 'off time' (which really means, 'time that I was unable to write a post due to an overabundance of work with a sliver of fun thrown in for good measure), I have decided that it is time to post.

My working experience this summer (for the past two summers and any off time from school for that matter) has allowed me to meet a wide variety of people in need of the service our company provides. Many of this people have been quite tolerable: kind, easy to get along with, easy to talk to, etc. etc. Some of these people have been really interesting, and it has been a pleasure to meet them and work with them in planning, organizing, designing, etc. whatever it is they need, and I consider myself fortunate to have met them. However, the vast majority of these people fall into a category of people which I absolutely despise. This people are sometimes misnomered, often being referred to as 'hippies.' This is completely wrong, though. These folks are quite opposite of the liberal, non-conformist hippies that they are often confused for. They instead compose a group of the most vile creatures on this planet, known simply as, "The Yuppie."

Dictionary.com defines these people as, "n. Informal: A young city or suburban resident with a well-paid professional job and an affluent lifestyle." While this definition covers the bases, it is inadequate to say the least. As such, I feel it is my job--no, my duty--to set the record straight on just what a yuppie is, why they are almost as evil as hippies, and how best to avoid these horrid beasts.

Firstly, we must know what to look for. Yuppies, typically, can be divided into two basic groups, as can most animals: the male and the female. The male yuppie typically as short hair, which is parted to the side and coated in hairspray. This coating is needed to avoid any blowing of the hair whilst cruising in the Mercedes-Benz, BMW or Chrysler Sebring convertible automobile, as such blowing would cause him to be unsightly. Typically, yuppie male (YM) is employed by: A) the government, B) a software company or some other computer business or C) some other company which, of course, allows YM to work from home. His boots, made of course by L.L. Bean or Birkenstock, are not broken in, yet he has them just in case. His tennis shoes are also not broken in, yet he has 9 pair of them to go with each jogging suit he has. YM rarely gets involved in the 'running of the household,' as this is left to the yuppie female (YF), who controls the checkbook and the remote.

YF wears high-heals most of the time. She drives an enormous SUV (usually a Chevy Suburban or a Ford Excursion). Affixed on the bumper of her school bus is typically a large sticker of a soccer ball, a softball, a basketball or some other symbol to let everyone know, "I'm a working mother." YF is the head of the household, but she often allows her husband to appear as such. She controls all internal affairs at her home with an iron fist and is often quick to point out when YM has stepped out of this place as the figure head. She greets everyone with a firm handshake and looks them straight in the eyes, quickly establishing her place as the dominant of the two. She typically works in real estate or for the government, and, like the YM, may work from home.

All yuppie families have a home office, a large deck (or screened porch) and a MEDIA ROOM (something I had never even heard of until I was first exposed to the yuppies of Northern Virginia.)

These yuppies are incredibly obnoxious. They have plenty of money, and therefore are difficult to avoid. These are the kind of folk who need a 'wetbar' with granite counter tops and expensive ceramic tile in their finished basement--which is often larger than the house I live in.

Yuppies have everything any human being could possibly want, therefore they are dangerous to our society. I'm not saying they don't work hard, but I do believe that most of them have lost sight of the value of hard work, by which I do not mean 75 hours behind a desk, but instead physical work and physical interaction. These are the people who want (and probably will have, i they don't already have) the fridge which automatically reorders milk when they run out, thereby minimizing the amount of human interaction which must occur. They claim to be the warriors of the people, but really want to replace people which machines so they can do what they must and return to the self contained protection unit formerly known as a home.

The true impact they will have on our humble society is yet to be seen. The problem could just be beginning, and as such could be far beyond my imagination. One thing is for certain, if they have their way, everytown in America will look much like a scene from a Dr. Sues book: each house looks the same, which identical vehicles parked out front etc. etc.

In order to avoid these folks, one most do one thing: Avoid places like Northern Virginia, more specifically Loudoun County. They seem to migrate there.

I don't know that avoidance is enough, though. Before long we may find ourselves in a full on war: Real humans against the yuppie machines of the suburbs. How will we combat these syncopated androids? Only time will tell.

Oh Please...

Some reporters should just shut up. It's that simple. If, as a reporter, you wait a week to throw in your commentary on an issue, then you probably just shouldn't do it. Especially when your report is error-ridden and untimely. Such is the case with Duncan Currie of the Daily Standard.

Mr. Currie has written a two-page summary of how the National Hockey League (NHL) is at a low-point now that ESPN has 'dumped their rights' to the NHL broadcasting for next season. I have a couple of major problems with this entire article:

Firstly, there is the point of bad-journalism/fact-checking. Mr. Currie alludes to the loss of the '2003-2004 season.' I think the Tampa Bay Lightning would have a problem with this statement, considering that they were the champions that season. It was the '04-'05 season that was cancelled, sir.

Secondly, Mr. Currie discusses ESPN's dumping of broadcasting rights for the NHL. They chose not to pick up their 60 million dollar option. I think it would have been crazy for ESPN to pick up and exercise those rights considering that, at the time of the deadline, the NHL had made NO progress with the National Hockey League Players Association (NHLPA) to establish a new Collective Bargaining Agreement (CBA). I mean, that's like a car dealership saying "well, I'll sell you this brand new car for full price, but it doesn't have a motor or transmission in it yet" and the buyer saying "ok, load it up." Of course ESPN is going to wait to negotiate a new deal--how does one negotiate to buy a product which, at the time of negotiation, is non-functioning? ESPN will be back for the rights to the NHL, we can all count on that.

Thirdly, apparently when Mr. Curie wrote his report he hadn't read the CBA negotiation reports since October of last year. Doomsday for the NHL is not looming--instead, the light at the end of the tunnel seems to be emerging. Reportedly, a new deal is within reach and only a few days away. Some sources are reporting that a deal could be announced as soon as today or early next week. I myself don't know that I believe that, but hey, anything is possible.

Oh please, Mr. Curie, check your facts and step out of the cloudy arena of pessimism in which you seem to dwell. This kind of 'the NHL is doomed' attitude is starting to bother me deeply from all journalists. There will be a season next year and it will open on time...and further more, the first game of the season will, without a doubt, air on ESPN or ESPN 2. That, my friends, is a given.

Sorry

Well, I had a whoppying four (4) posts in the ENTIRE month of May. I think that's the lowest since I started almost a year ago. That's really quite sorry, isn't it?

I'd like to post about something that anybody cares about, but I'm quite tired and have no drive to do so.

It's been a busy, though uneventful at the same time, summer already. Lots of 'work.' Mostly driving around ordering material and doing estimates, but as long as my butt is out of bed and away from this house, I will count that as work.

I haven't seen too many of my friends this summer. This makes me sad, but, with a little help from the weather, that will change tonight at the camping trip. Hopefully I'll get some good pictures to post. I miss them all terribly and reflecting on my attitude since school lets out reminds me of just how different I am when I'm not with my friends. You guys really do keep me functioning.

I've been doing a lot of yard/garden/flower-garden work this summer. I already posted pictures of the Azaleas (which I still think were awesome this year). Below is a picture of the pond:

Waterfall (it's a little off-center I know)

This is actually just the waterfall, but that's the best part about it anyway. It's taken me three years, but I think I finally have it exactly how I want it. I planted flowers around it this year, and they're going to be really awesome by next year. I figure that when I get it just about perfect will be when I move out and find my own place. Sad isn't it?

I'm looking for a new car--a Chevy Tahoe or Suburban. Preferably a Tahoe, even though the 'burben as heather calls it, would fit more people. I think i found one. Now i just have to scrape together enough cash to make the purchase hehe.

All for now, I'll do better this week--promse ;)